ImaCriBaby

ImaCriBaby "leaked" OnlyFans porn & nudes (CriBabyRiri)? Nope. There are many types of women in this world. You’ve got shy Betty who needs a few drinks in her before she tells you about her feet pic selling business during the corporate Christmas party. Then you’ve got Tiffany in the corner over there on her 10th tequila making out with the senior VP. It’s the third dude she’s licked that night and who knows when she’s gonna stop. ImaCriBaby is definitely the Tiffany of this scenario. Where the shame genes should have been, something else took their place. Like she was born with some form of benzo in her system that makes it impossible for her cheeks to ever get red. When I sniff around for info on OF chicks, I’m often teased a little here and there on their socials. To see a tit or a clit I need to work hard. I shit you not, 5 seconds passed and I saw ImaCriBaby getting railed.

And then I saw her getting railed again in the next post. Well, the other post was more creative actually, there was some 69ing going on. I’m not sure if it was a standing 69 but I’m pretty sure that what I saw wasn’t completely natural. Or at least doable with your average unflexible couch potato body. And here I am, running into my review to seek shelter. I promise we’ll get to nipple circumference, exact color and shade later. I need to hide out here a little while longer. You just don’t expect these things you know?

It’s not like I was on a porn site, I was on Twitter for Christ's sake. That’s where you should do the teasing Tiffany, not give me your full-blown porn right there. Every old, loose scrotumed, hairy, fish smelling, asshole scratching, old man can see that with no money spent. Not that the boomers would be on social media. Who knows what the boomers are doing these days? They don’t seem to be shrinking in numbers. Their pensions are taking away money that can be put to better use. So ImaCriBaby, please paywall your banging, sweetie. For the sake of the housing market and the boomers not constantly winning. If that made no sense trust me, it did in my head. And that’s enough for me, chief.

Not of This Earth

I've been getting into schizo video games from the 90s lately - don't ask. For some fuckall reason ImaCriBaby is giving me the same feelings as watching a 90’s granny with dementia go through space to chase down a rabbit. Just a kind of uncomfy out of body experience you know? I expected her content to be paywalled like all the rest. Okay, it’s not. I expected her porn on porn sites. Nope, it’s all out there on Musk loving Elon forsaken Twitter for the whole world to see. I’m no newbie to Twitter. I know that’s where all of you furries and feet lovers like to congregate.

I also know that the site is mostly just porn now. But like, ya know, cut scenes? You’ve ever heard of teasing a man? Like, sexy photos and gifs, fan arts, and farts. All that jazz. I don’t even have to tell you if you’re reading my material. Also, what the fuck is wrong with you? Go fap. But also thanks, I guess. You’re bored enough to spend 10 minutes reading about boobs instead of looking at them. Point is, if you read my shit you go to the same places I do, to seek out boobage. And you know the drill on Twitter. It’s for marketing, at least when it comes to pretty girls who sell their booty pics for bucks. But ImaCriBaby is using it as a porn site. It’s weird to see but also, kind of funny. I don’t know if it might be the sleep deprivation talking but the misuse of the site tickles my funny bone. It’s like someone using Facebook to document their innermost secret thoughts as status updates. Oh wait, I know people like that. They think they’re gurus. Does ImaCriBaby think she’s being innovative, new, or special by using Twitter like it’s XHamster? Only ImaCriBaby will ever know.

Pick Your Vibe Woman

What makes a McNugget so great? You know from the moment you put that mediocre mystery meat drenched in high-sugar, high-preservative sauce, that’s fucking McDonald's. Or like, a Nike shoe that… I have no idea... I’ve never worn them. All I know is slippers to crawl around my coomer basement and eat chicken nuggets. Point is, when there is good branding, there is recognizability and a loving audience. That’s why you all love me so much. Where else have you seen such a cool dude with a fast tongue, literally and figuratively, with sick ass glasses and a charming but deceiving nerdy look? I can talk about myself all day but we're here for ImaCriBaby. Why, I don’t know. Because I am bored senseless. On the previous note, if any sexy anchorwoman or podcast sister wants to have me on, I’m running to ya, sweet momma. Just not the hawk tuah girl oh Jesus no. I don’t want to end up being in the same boat as someone who’s gonna go down as a crypto scammer or something. Ahhh, crypto, what a...topical...reference.

Oh, right, ImaCriBaby. See, you can feel my boredom seeping from my brain to my fingers and onto the page. She’s no Nike and she sure is no McNugget. She jumps from one persona to the next. I have no clue who this woman is and what she’s about. Maybe if she posted mouth words instead of pussy words all the time, I’d get a sense of who she is. But, “Will you fuck me” 20 times over in every post is really not sparking joy or any neural activity. Guess I need to recalibrate my Neuralink again. Sike. I’m never going cyberpunk. I don’t want unskippable ads in my brain, thank you very much. And ImaCriBaby doesn’t want to stick to one persona. First she’s silly, then she’s trying to be a mamacita, and then you see her acting like a fuckdoll. I don’t get it; my penis doesn’t get it and Tony, my upstairs neighbor doesn’t get it either, but he keeps asking me to stop.

Fine Her Ass is Fine

I would be an ass if I didn’t talk about her ass even a little bit. But I’m doing this for you, you crazy bastards. You came here to jizz and I promised you reviews of women and yes ImaCriBaby is in fact a woman. At least I’m 80% sure she’s a woman. Not implying that there’s any gender bender shit going on. I mean she looks like some sort of human-esque alien specie. But whatever she is she does have an ass. The ass shakes. The ass bounces on cock too, isn’t that so cool? She loves to showcase her booty the most so I guess that’s where you should run gun pump and dump if you’re fapping to this chick.

Hey, I just saw her looking normal. And in like, pretty hot lingerie with her nipples sticking out. See, the thing is, she’s sitting in bed, looks comfy and she’s smiling. Of course this gets me aroused. Seeing her pounded by a man in a Halloween mask in a truck on Twitter does not get the blood flowing to my wiener. But a good black laced number, a smile and an intentional nip slip is what I live for. Looks like she is human after all.

For some reason, I’m in the mood all of a sudden to listen to two cool French robots talk about being human. Speaking of the French, I think ImaCriBaby is a Latina. So she's not French. You're welcome. Can’t find it written in stone but she’s giving me that vibe. She's giving me the vibe that she's a woman that would easily dumpster dive, fight a raccoon, cook dinner for an army, and then do porn all in the same day. No raccoons were harmed in the making of this review. Now that I think about it, ImaCriBaby is a little bit like a raccoon. Unhinged, masked so you never know her true vibe, playful and kinda compact. Yes, I deem ImaCriBaby the raccoon of porn. Now, I love raccoons. I don’t seem to like ImaCriBaby but I might be turning my perspective around because, hey, raccoons are cool and she reminds me of one.