Piper Presley

Piper Presley "leaked" OnlyFans porn & nudes (WhoisPiperPresley)? Nope. Finally, some good fucking food. Whoispiperpresley is delicious looking and has a… wait for it… you’re not going to believe me… a brain. She has a brain and she uses it to speak mouth words that are not only sensical but funny too. She’s absolutely charming and absolute eye candy. Thank you oh sweet Porn Gods for sending me this blue eyed creature with a functioning prefrontal cortex.

This chick has oodles and oodles of gray matter swimming up there. Her brain is in a bath of hormones that make her a functional, intelligent human being. I was getting pissed at the trash I’ve been reviewing lately. I’m still pissed at the fish brained chick from yesterday, she left a bad feeling in my stomach. During my morning shit, I had to imagine flushing her out of my system to have a calmer morning. I don’t I’ll be seeing Piper slobbering on herself like a lobotomy patient. The day is saved, thanks to the Power Puff Piper.

I opened up a few reels she’s made and I was instantly charmed and found her very entertaining. It’s extremely hard for a woman to be sexy and make sex jokes in a funny way at the same time. You really need to be a certain type of person to entertain my heart, my brain and my cock all at the same time.

But I just saw this gorgeous babe playing around with caulk, the filler thing for insulation. She was calling it cock all the while making jokes about filling holes with black caulk, white caulk and which caulk is preferable for which hole. Her backdoor is small so white caulk is better she says. And then she actually fills in holes, in her house, at the back door, with white caulk. Tell me how that isn’t just charming as fuck?

Can’t Stop Staring

Like, I can’t even get to her sexy pics and her nudes because she’s just so fun to watch. Everything that she films is very smart, fast and funny. And then there’s the added bonus of her being just absolutely positively drop dead gorgeous. She looks like a Disney princess. Gigantic blue eyes, nice big lips, a button nose, and freckles. If she were an animal, she would be a sweet little bunny that I would pet and feed and keep forever. If I were an OnlyFans model, I’d want to be her. Everybody should be taking notes from Piper.

Not just the other OF models. This is an example of how to do things the right way. How to be a proper human being. How to put effort into whatever it is you’re doing. No matter the outcome, you know? People have been disappointing me left and right. Everyone’s gone soft, they enjoy their coomer dens, their takeout, their Netflix, and their cum rags. Piper is an inspiration to us all.

But Jesus Christ she should be an inspiration to OnlyFans models the most. They’re getting dumber and dumber every year. Women have figured out the male loneliness epidemic and are making bank just by existing and being nude on the internet. I want to go back to a time when there was effort put into content. But anyways, dumb dudes will flock to dumb babes. Those are just the rules of nature. I’ll be gladly sitting here and not flocking to fish brains and enjoying Piper. You can join me if you dare.

You’ll have to reactivate some synapses to start comprehending what a smart female porn star acts like. I know, it’s a hard transition. The dumb ones have taken over the internet, I see them all over. I can’t get through a jacking session on cam sites without having to use a translator and fifteen minutes of incomprehensible jibber jabber from the chick I’m hiring. The era of quality babes is over, so we have to hold on to treasures like Piper tight. I’ll volunteer to hold her tight myself, I’m a good guy like that.

It Keeps Getting Better

Well, well, well, I didn’t think Piper would also make non-sex jokes, but here we are. This chick knows her audience well. She doesn’t put out lame millennial or Gen X humor that stopped being funny when The Big Bang series ended. Picture a petite brunette with a smile that lights up a room in a tight black dress, standing in front of a whiteboard. On the board, it says: Things you can eat only one time. I’m here fully expecting some sort of pussy joke.

It’s not a problem, that’s her area of humor and I’m excited to see what comes out of her mouth. And she just goes “a 9mm”. Holy fucking shit. Thank you for the completely unexpected cackles. She subverted my expectations of her and what she’s capable of with a single joke. It matters if she’s making jokes that aren’t just about sex, ya know? This is a real human being we’re dealing with here and not just a prop for cummie secretion. I mean, I do love to jizz in a totally disconnected way and look at titties and nothing else. But from time to time, it’s refreshing to find a treasure of a porn star and not just a prop for my penis.

I just discovered yet another cool thing, really, the good shit just keeps coming. She has an Instagram highlight where she introduces herself and what her mission is. Piper talks about men’s mental health and how she’s leveraging her looks to help men with their issues. Basically, addressing the shit mostly no one addresses, that men have feelings too. Most OF models do the exact opposite, they milk men dry because they know they can.

Because they know a lot of men are desperate, and that’s a great cash cow right there. I would never expect an OF model to be so many good things at once. Piper is cool, drop-dead, gorgeous, funny, smart and empathetic. This is a unicorn. It’s not just that OF models like this don’t exist. No, no. Women like this don’t exist. Men like this don’t exist. Piper is a rare Pokémon and I want to catch her in my Pokeball. But then I’d be restricting her from sharing her awesomeness with the world. I’d be way too in love and breeding her constantly to let her be free. If you truly love Piper, you must set her free.

Creating New Jobs

Piper is a visionary. She’s basically a new form of sex therapist. I’m sure sex therapists exist right? I’ve never had the need for one, obviously. But I’ve heard of such things. I’m guessing they’re some kind of boring old hags that use outdated methods and just bore you to death. Piper does things a little differently. Sure, she sells her porn.

But she also has a purpose in mind. To form relationships with some of her fans and help them live better lives. There are screenshots all over of her successful tactics. Dudes who have lost weight, changed bad habits, and all that jazz. All thanks to the love and support of Piper. It must be exhausting to do what she does. I really do hope she’s being genuine and doesn’t have OF chatters in the background and all of this is just smoke and mirrors. You can’t know these days.

But I get this gut feeling that she’s telling the truth. It’s all in the eyes chico. Those big baby blues look very innocent, sweet, and genuine. Oh, and she charges 10 bucks a month. Of course she’s not gonna overprice her stuff, she’s a sweet angel. Give this woman many, many tips. Because she’s basically being an online supportive loving girlfriend to hundreds of men. Plus, she works her ass off to create content curated for every specific social.

Her YouTube content is nothing like her raunchier Instagram content. This chick cares, she cares about a lot of things and she executes that care masterfully. I just checked if she has a Twitter account and to my surprise, she doesn’t. I guess posting horny thirst traps that lead to her OnlyFans is really not her thing and thank God for that. She doesn’t need thirst traps when she’s this cool and looks like an absolute snack. Give this woman an award, I don’t know what kind of award, but take some award away from some Hollywood fuckass who doesn’t deserve it and give it to Piper.