MoreOfMariah

MoreOfMariah gives me a sense that she smells. Now, she’s got a very interesting body. But that’s a whole other can of worms we’ll get into later. I have to address the smell first. You know how people on the internet say, “I can smell this image”? That’s what I’m feeling here. I’m sure your classic gamer basement dweller onlooker wouldn’t notice. He’d just whip his dick out give it a couples hundred strokes soak up the cum rag and be done with it. But I’m a professional, a detective, a pussy detective.

MoreOfMariah wants to present herself as some sort of hot, unattainable OF chick. She’s got all the classic slutty poses on Instagram I’ve seen a million times. But when you zoom in and tell your cock to shut up, you’ll see it. You’ll see why she smells. She’s got hair that appears sort of greasy and uncombed. Fake eyelashes that have been on her lids for a week more than they should have. And you know she hasn’t taken them off because she’s in and out of clubs and dudes' bedrooms every night. I might be wrong here; she might not be inherently a rat at heart. But I’ve met chicks like this.

And they look exactly like this. The hair that’s dying to be dyed already. The black roots, the freakishly long nails. The red dress she wears so much that she refuses to let water purify it of its sweaty smell. No, no, this type of chick covers up the smell with lots of perfume. And then the perfume and the sweat stank mix together to create a very recognizable odor. And you know what? I have nothing against it.

It’s fun to have a rat girl in the sack. They’re far less annoying than other pretentious types. If a rat chick farts, she usually laughs or even wafts it to you. If a pretentious chick farts while you’re putting your dick in her ass, she’ll stop the anal and cry about how embarrassing it was to pass gas. I say, throw many more bones to rat girls. They’re way more fun and crazy but like in a good way.

Math Isn’t Mathing

While I do appreciate MoreOfMariah for being a rat I don’t really like her crazy ass proportions. That is, her crazy ass, like crazy big, and boobies the size of my head. And between them, a tiny little waist. You might be asking yourself what is wrong with me. Have I hit my head? No, my loyal servants, your god is still lucid and sane. What I described is the hourglass shape yes. It is the most desired of shapes, and I want to put my dick in anything that walks around with that shape.

I don’t care, throw me a chick with a dick and an hourglass shape, I’m present. Throw me a 50 year old curvy mommy, I’ll plow. But it’s factual that you can die of drinking too much water, so it’s also factual that there can be too much ass and too much boobage on a tiny little waist. I hate to say it but too much of a good thing is not a good thing. It just looks silly. MoreOfMariah looks like a cartoon. Doesn’t help that her lips are blown up either.

And then you add the spider leg eyelashes I mentioned earlier and it’s just a little bit yucky. There are tons of dudes who flock to chicks like this sure, I’m not delusional. But those are not quality dudes. Just as this type of chick isn’t a quality chick. She’s a nice backup if the bar is empty and you’re really horny. Even then, you can open up Tinder or hop to another bar.

But still, the blowup doll looking chick is a nice safety net. But it can’t go any further than a drunken short lay to pump your spunk and leave. Most of the time though, the not so quality dudes end up with the not so quality chicks. They were made for each other. He’s got tattoos of roses, Jesus, ships and clocks and she loves it. She looks like a blowup doll and he loves to show her off to his friends. Ah, young love.

It Gets Worse

It’s not like I expected MoreOfMariah to be smart or anything. So, why do I still find myself disappointed to see that she’s an idiot? I guess the penis and the heart hold hopes I’m not even aware of. It’s still a babe you know? Able-bodied, young…I wanted to say attractive but I just can’t. She just lost even more points. Oh, why did I have to go digging for more content on Twitter? That’s where OF models post their cutesy little videos that are either on the verge of porn or just porn. It’s a perfect transition system, PG Instagram to naughty Twitter and then a cartwheel to OnlyFans for the real meat.

Well, MoreOfMariah posts some teases on Twitter, and I’m just done with it. With life that is. Her content is too terrible. The gene pool on Earth has been mixed with too much stupidity. These chicks are making bank while being as dumb as a fish and I’m here working my ass off. Well, I quit, I’m gonna sell feet picks and infiltrate Discord servers where lonely chicks hang out and sell them my porn. Bye.

Ok, it didn’t work, no one wants to see my dong. Except for Roberta but that’s a story for another day. Fine, I’ll entertain your asses for yet another day. The first video I opened on MoreOfMariah Twitter gave me a stomach ulcer. She’s standing somewhere in a hallway, with some really messy-looking lingerie on and in terrible lighting. Then she jumps up and down while she stares at the camera, and then she sticks her tongue out. In the end, some saliva drips down as she says “oops”. I’m sorry ma’am, are you 5? I am not kidding; I’ve seen this sort of thing in movies where the main actor visits a mental asylum.

Some patient jumps up and down, saliva pours and he finds it funny. This woman has the mental capacity of a doorknob. No, that’s an insult to perfectly decent contributors to society, we need doorknobs. She’s more like a fish, aimlessly swimming in the sea, with a deer in headlights look on her face because everything is confusing and the world is hard. I know I’m dogging on this chick hard. But she’s making my penis retract inside of my body. This is damage. I could sue. MoreOfMariah is everything I dislike in a woman, and even then, most babes pull through and make it work somehow with some crumbs of quality. But I think we have to let this one go; I don’t see a redeeming quality.

The Redeeming Quality

Fucking lizard man brain duped me again. For once, I’d like to stand by my opinions but no mister penis had to come out when he saw the naked booty. For fuck’s sake, my penis always has the final say and I don’t think it’s fair. Is there like, some sort of couples counseling but for you and your penis? This is the 21st century a thing like that must exist. Or, is it just called therapy and they’ll just ask me why I’m humanizing my penis? I don’t want no goddamn therapist telling me not to talk to my tool. If it wasn’t for my tool I wouldn’t be here. Oh, hey that’s good, we made up, he liked my sentimental words towards him.

Fine, I’ll say it, MoreOfMariah has a booty that won’t quit. She does her best work on OF because there’s not a lot of space for her personality to shine through. There’s only naked booty. And when you take away the fish brain and just give me naked booty I’m a happy boy. Plus, she knows how to pose better when it’s pornographic. The whole Insta hoe shit doesn’t work for fish brains. I mean, it does, but like I said, they attract fish brain dudes. Porn is the great equalizer. Everyone’s naked and being pleasured or pleasuring themselves to the people being pleasured. Porn is like shitting and death. The queen also porked her husband, she shat, and then she died. So, thanks MoreOfMariah for being so ungodly hard to like that I had to come to philosophical conclusions and mental gymnastics to like you somehow. But here we are, we did it. Now go give yourself a wank to MoreOfMariah, her OF is free.