NoFaceGirl

No Face Girl "leaked" OnlyFans porn & nudes? Nope. I’m super disappointed. I want to fucking know what she looks like. This is killing me. She’s such a fucking hot piece of ass. Why is she not showing her face? In this day and age, every person who’s involved with everything porn-related shows their face loud and proud. You don’t just jack off to a chick's tight ass. Or belly button. Or ears? I have no idea what people are into. Foot fetish was once such a huge taboo. Now it’s more popular than fucking liking boobies. A bunch of shameless folks, those foot fetishers. I wish I had a foot fetish. I’m missing out on all the buzz. My point is, I can easily jack it to NoFaceGirl. But I’m missing that umph. That part that makes me hungry for a woman.

Without seeing her face, she’s just another fleshlight with feelings. I will try my best to give her the benefit of the doubt. Ya know, enjoy her porn without the umph factor. Think of it this way. When you’re stroking the peen, are you watching the bed? Admiring the room? Maybe you’re figuring out the right exact color of nail polish on the chick. Nope, you do none of that. You want to see the sweet moan face. The open mouth closed eye look of ecstasy. And now, I just have to imagine. Big sad.

Privacy is not a thing anymore. Everyone knows everything. They know your mom’s favorite spaghetti place. They know your sister's favorite brand of toilet paper. I’m sure you’ve noticed this phenomenon. You talk about any given subject. Just fucking talk about it. No googling. No using Alexa. No nothing. And all of a sudden, an ad appears for that fucking same thing. Thanks, Zuckerberg, I didn’t know I needed a 12-inch purple ribbed for her pleasure monster dildo. My life is now complete. Thanks to your ad. So, since everything is already out there for everyone and their pet dog to see, what’s there to hide?

Maybe NoFaceGirl is a burn victim or something. Maybe she’s got a really, like astronomically huge nose. She could be one of them folks who have two lazy eyes. We don’t care NoFaceGirl, let us see you. Your body is divine. This is not fair. I demand closure before I can jizz in peace. This is a democracy. We can start a go find me page. Or whatever that shit was for public voting. Viva la fappolution!

I’m Crying

When I see a body like this, I want to shed tears. The female form alludes me. There is nothing more perfect than a fat ass, slim waist, and bouncy tits. Think about it. What could possibly match that? There are only a handful of life events that are made into core memories. The birth of your child, your wedding day, the death of that relative you’re supposed to inherit cash from. But those, they happen once or three times and that’s it. And if you’re a moron, they happen a lot more. Like getting married for the fifth time and never realizing who’s the common denominator. These events pass and life is mundane again. But chicks? They never pass. They’re everywhere. The ones that get old get replaced by young ones. It never ends. It’s a fountain of pure joy.

The cup runneth over, and it’s filled with pussy juice. As for the uggos and the ones who resemble elephants, you can just ignore them. Except if you’re into that shit. They’re called feeders and their fetish is sticking it to women that eat a meal for ten for breakfast. I’m not judging. This is a purely educational channel.

But for the common folk, we crave women like NoFaceGirl. Basically, all the pornstars have hot bodies. It’s a given. There’s a scale of hotness though. A chick can be so fuckable you want to scream into the void because you don’t have to balls to ask her out. She can be so plowable that you’d cut off your left ear for her. And then there’s NoFaceGirl. She has that kind of body that you’d give your Lego collection for. If the Devil himself offered you a ridiculous trade, you’d take it. All your earthly possessions and your unborn grandchildren for a chance to stick it in her pussy only once. Cross my dick and hope to die, you’re taking that deal and peeing yourself from happiness.

Ass. Just Ass

I’ve been blabbing on about her hot bod. Now, sit down kids, and let me tell ya why this shit is fire. First of all, I so no plastic in sight. So, let’s get that out of the way. If she has a Brazilian butt lift my horny rants would have been time wasted. But this beautiful piece of kaboos is all-natural baby. You can notice by the way it bounces. She loves to bounce it on cock. And since she doesn’t want to show her face, she films from the back most of the time. Thank your lucky stars. Seriously. Go outside and thank whichever entity you believe in for the existence of this ass. This ass is now etched into my memory. I want to tattoo this ass in the back of my eyelids so I can see it all the time.

My career will practically be over. I can’t write reviews with my eyes closed, and I won’t be planning on opening them ever again. And that sweet, sweet ass is perfectly framed by the tiny waist she’s got. Rappers in the 90’s knew what they were talking about. There are countless songs written solely about big asses and small waists. It’s an obsession and don’t you dare call it an unhealthy one. I’d rather be obsessed with ass than clicking my mouse all day to make little colorful figurines go back and forth and shoot magic. Yes, I’m looking at you, League and Legends players. Go outside, touch some grass and touch some ass.

I’m a little peeved at her tits though. NoFaceGirl could have been a slam dunk. Her tits a mid. They’re still good tits. At least they’re natural. Oh, and pierced. You know when you have a birthday party so you blow up balloons to decorate? After the party, comes the hangover. So there’s no way you’re cleaning that day. Little by little, as you lie in bed trying not to puke, physics happens. The balloons that were once there to bring joy now look sad as fuck. They’ve deflated.

Not fully though. There’s still two-day-old oxygen and saliva in them. That’s what NoFaceGirl’s bazoinkas look like. Kind of sad, floppy, and misshapen. One boob is going to Mexico while the other to Russia. Just flopping around in completely different directions. This is forgivable as she posts herself from the back 99% of the time anyway. I choose to scrub the mid tits off my memory and remain with the illusion that this chick is 10/10. She deserves it.

Her Porn is Kind of Meh

I should seriously go into a side hustle. I think I’d be a perfect porn director. So fucking many chicks with sub-par looks are famous as shit. That’s because their porn is bombastic and a half. Or they’re just normal-looking girls, but they’ve got something else about them that’s memorable. Imagine Belle Delphine for example. She trolled the whole internet by baiting people on Pornhub and never showing even the tiniest bit of puss. People went crazy about her and now she’s a superstar millionaire and thank God finally showed the puss.

Point is, she’s memorable as fuck. She puts in the effort. I don’t give a swimming fuck how hot you are, give me something of substance or I’ll forget you like yesterday's jam. NoFaceGirl is a culprit of boring porn. Yes, the videos are arousing. You know when it’s so hot out that you can fry an egg on the pavement? That’s how hot she is. She’s the pavement on a scorching summer day. But what’s the point if all she does is ride cock in every video. Thankfully, she’s got some solo masturbation videos. If you ask me, they’re ten times better. At least there’s some character in that. We get to see her pleasure herself, yippie.

The rest of it though is the following: thrust back, thrust forth, thrust back, thrust forth…. And so on, till you eventually fall asleep with your dick in your hand. Baby steps, you know. At least throw on some eye candy outfit, it’ll change things up and not make me yawn while I’m writing this. There’s one video where she’s wearing red fishnets. It’s ten times more exciting than the rest just because of some fucking cloth on her legs. She could do so much with a body like that. My guess is that she’s not too talented but got semi-popular because of that sweet thick ass.