Looking to buy some porno? The smut shop I’m looking at today lets you stream hot, fresh fuck movies like all the other porn sites, or you can buy DVDs like back in the old days. AdultEmpire has been around long enough to know how to do both, and do them well. Oh, and they have a massive selection of sex toys, too.
Serving Up Porn For Years
Adult Empire has been around for a long-ass time. The domain was registered way back at the dawn of the new millennium, 2000, when everyone thought Y2K was going to make all the computers explode. That’s ancient when you’re talking about anything on the Internet.
I really think the key to the store’s longevity is their willingness to adapt to the times. DVD and glossy porn rag sales have been dropping for years, putting websites and dank highway porn shops out of business all over the place. AdultEmpire is still going strong. What gives?
Being on the Internet gives them a leg up on the brick and mortar competition. Who wants to drive to the sketchy side of town, risking knife fights with diseased hobos just to pick up a couple anal sex movies? The only downside to AdultEmpire’s location is that you can’t get a toothless blowjob from a crack whore for ten bucks out back.
That still doesn’t explain why they’ve been around so long. Most porn consumers under the age of one-hundred just don’t buy movies on DVD, whether it’s on the Internet or that dirty shack with the neon XXX sign.
Take a look at the list of their offerings in the header or the sidebar on the left. AdultEmpire sells the dirty DVDs and dildos you’d expect from an adult shop, but they’ve also got On Demand video and even a Rental area.
Now it all makes sense. They’re selling the formats most perverts are jacking off to, as well as the physical media for grandfathers who just got their Viagra prescription filled. It’s a smart marketing strategy, as most sites no longer carry anything for fans of physical media.
The (Old) Netflix of Porn
I headed over to the DVD Rental section first, mostly out of curiosity. I remember renting DVDs like this in the early days of Netflix, before everyone had Internet fast enough to stream movies.
The prices really aren’t bad. There’s a 3-day, 2-at-a-time free trial. It’s normally around $18 a month for that, or you can get pricier plans with more DVDs. It’s more than Netflix’s current DVD plan, but Netflix doesn’t have the new Jules Jordan Video, Up My Asian Ass 2.
It’s pretty convenient. Get some sticky DVDs in the mail, add your own layer of stickiness, stick them back in the mail. Repeat until you’re a shriveled, emaciated wreck of what was once a man. (Disclaimer: try not to actually get semen on rental DVDs, and remember to drink plenty of fluids during marathon wank sessions.)
They’ve also got an a la carte rental option, if you’d rather skip the membership fee. It says DVDs start as low as $1.99 per disk, but a lot of the listings I checked out didn’t have a la carte rental available. Most of them, however, could be purchased or viewed with VOD.
AdultEmpire has over 40,000 porno movies in their rental section. Row after row of glossy DVD covers with stylized text and tons of naked flesh gave me flashbacks to the old porn store days. It’s certainly easier to browse than the shelves restocked by the hunchbacked mute at my old smut stop.
Easy-As-Fuck Smut Browsing
I clicked the Browse Categories button from the Rental area and went to the master list of genres. I really like how AdultEmpire has this set up.
It’s a fairly extensive list, with hundreds of different porn categories on it. You can watch Blondes, Grannies, Asians and Maids doing Face Sitting, Public Sex, and First Double Penetration. You know how to read a list.
The really kickass feature is that it’s pretty much the same list of categories whether you browse DVD, VOD, Blu-ray, or Rentals. Choose you format at the top and the main thing that changes are the number of choices for each mode of delivery. For example, there are nearly 14k Anal DVDs and VODs, but only 109 Anal Blu-rays and 4,058 Anal Rental movies.
It’s Time to Play
The format list at the top of categories page actually goes like this: DVD, VOD, Blu-ray, Sex Toys, Rental. If you were wondering, yes, the Sex Toys categories are completely different from the list that pops up for the movie formats.
It feels like the wrong spot for it, but whatever. The toys do have categories, and this is the Categories page. It goes way deeper than the assorted dildos, rubber fists, and Fleshlights you found in your mom’s dresser.
There are hundreds of kinds of sex toys here. Looking for a Butt Plug? AdultEmpire has more than 350 varieties. You can choose from a bunch of Penis Pumps, Pussy Pumps, and Pussy And Ass Combos. Fuck yourself with a wide selection of Glass Toys, Inflatable Toys, Silicone Toys, and Jelly Toys.
The Water And Splash Proof Toys section has more than a thousand items for sale, putting the “adult superstore” near my place to shame. There’s a nice, round 222 asses in the Asses section, with realistic White girl buttholes starting at around thirteen bucks. Hey, just like at the trailer park!
Hot Girls Fucking On Demand
I checked out the Video On Demand section next, because it’s really my preferred mode of porn delivery. It’s almost identical to the Rental section, with row after row of DVD covers.
A banner on the side tells me AdultEmpire works with Roku. Great news if you want to watch Lisey Sweet get gangbanged in Gangbang Me 4 on your TV.
I’m a sucker for an innocent-looking slut with braces, so I clicked the cover for Brace Face 3. I may have found the page from the VOD section, but AdultEmpire presents me with four viewing options. I can watch Anastasia Knight getting fish-hooked and fucked on DVD, Pay Per Minute, HD Download, or a HD 2 Day Rental.
There’s a short trailer, half of which is the FBI anti-piracy warning and Adults Only notice. There was no mention of Chromecast near that Roku graphic I saw earlier, but the icon pops up on the preview. I clicked it so I could watch a few seconds of Kizzy Sixx swallowing cum on my TV.
The movie is also broken down by scene if you scroll a little further, with a bunch of screenshots. I can see a preview of each or purchase the scenes individually.
The two-day rental is on sale for under five bucks right now, so it’s the best option. These could really add up if I make this a habit.
I don’t feel like the DVD or download prices are worth it. For the price of a couple movies on AdultEmpire, I could get a month with one of the big premium sites. They usually include downloads these days, making them a better deal than I’m seeing here. On the other hand, if you can’t find it anywhere else, AdultEmpire may be your only choice.
Just Go Unlimited
Alternately, you could sign up for AdultEmpire’s Unlimited service. At around $25 a month, it’s a few bucks less than most premium sites.
The Unlimited plan doesn’t seem to include downloads, but it does include HD streaming access to over 61k movies and 260k scenes. That’s a pretty big-ass collection, and honestly a much better value than that movie I rented a few minutes ago.
AdultEmpire.com has lasted so long as an online porn and sex toy store by adapting to the times and keeping their customers happy. To that end, they even offer free shipping and free gifts if you spend enough money. Check out their selection if you’re looking to blow some of your paycheck on sex stuff.