FapHouse Taboo

Ah, FapHouse.com/Taboo, the place where the term "taboo" is more watered down than high school cafeteria ketchup. You'd expect some dark, edgy content to stir your imagination and bring out your inner kinkster, right? Nope. This place is about as "taboo" as my grandma’s knitting club discussing 50 Shades of Grey. FapHouse use implicitly suggestive titles to grab your attention, which is a clever trick, except all the videos are just regular porn that wouldn't even shock a Mormon.

No shade on FapHouse – everyone fucking does this. Ever since the word step-sister skyrocketed in popularity a few years back, taboo sites have been inundated with vanilla content that piggybacks on taboo titles. It’s all bullshit, through and through and they know it. I’m not ragging on FapHouse in particular – they actually aren’t directly involved in this. More on that later. They’re surprisingly good at what they do, even though there’s a lot to nitpick here.

No Free Smut

Here’s the kicker. Most of the videos on here are nothing but measly trailers. That's right. I haven't been this let down since I found out Ron Jeremy wasn’t really Santa Claus. You'll need to shell out some cash if you want to experience these "taboo" shenanigans in all their not-so-taboo glory. The prices are reasonable, though, I suppose.

A month's subscription will cost you $6.99, which is like two overpriced lattes at Starbucks. Or you can go for a 3-month commitment at $5.99 per month – slightly cheaper, but still less satisfying than a cold pizza. A 12-month subscription is $4.99 per month, which is basically the cost of forgetting your homemade lunch and having to eat at McDonald's. And if you're really feeling bold and want to stake your claim on FapHouse for life, you can pay a one-time fee of $199.99. But let's be honest, you'd be more likely to spend that on a lifetime supply of beer – or fleshlights.

Could Be Worth It

Let’s look at this another way. FapHouse is bringing in premium videos from hundreds if not thousands of studios, all under one roof. The videos are all top notch, highest possible quality, no compression, straight from the source. In a sense, this site is an alternative to all the mainstream porn sites combined. Hell, it is all the mainstream porn sites combined. They have some sort of special reselling contract that I don’t really know much about. It’s not like they advertise it. They just make it clear that they’ve got videos coming in from around the web and they’re all here under one umbrella, for one subscription. The one-time lifetime payment really caught my eye. Pay once, experience premium porn forever.

I mean… forever only really means for as long as the site is up, but they’ve got a great track record. They’re very respected in the online porn world. I’ve heard nothing but good things. My gripes about the taboo section in particular is that it isn’t nearly as taboo as I’d like it to be. I saw some awesome stuff here that I’ve fapped to before, but I don’t consider it taboo. Hell, I consider it mainstream vanilla smut. The first video I recognized was one by Princess Leia – yes that’s what she calls herself. I know her from some work she did with Xev Bellringer and her husband. I wholeheartedly recommend that entire set. This is 10/10 porn, but it’s far from taboo.

Swing and a Miss

In summary, FapHouse.com/Taboo, where the 'taboo' content is as edgy as a bowling ball, but the pricing options are primo shit, only if you actually want access to the entire site. If you’re here for taboo porn exclusively, then everything is overpriced, because it all misses the mark. You're better off watching paint dry, or maybe taking up a new hobby. Like knitting. At least you'd have something to show for it at the end.

If FapHouse.com/Taboo were a movie, it'd be a Michael Bay blockbuster — a whole lot of build-up, and a disappointing payoff. But hey, at least Bay gives you robots fighting for the price of admission, not a barrage of vague, vanilla clips. I mean, I've seen more explicit action on prime-time television. General Hospital was tabooer than this. FapHouse try to reel you in with spicy titles, but the actual content is as mild as a cucumber sandwich.

Give it a Shot

FapHouse.com/Taboo is about as satisfying as you decide to make it. The videos on here are all fapworthy, for me. The real question is are they fapworthy for you? I can’t know. We’ve gotten so fucking freaky with porn in the past ten years or so that at this point the word taboo is basically pointless. What’s taboo now? I don’t fucking know.

I mean, I have this general idea that people doing naughty things that they shouldn’t be doing is sort of a good indicator, but promises you a refreshing dip into the world of adult entertainment, but instead, you're left with a soggy backyard and disappointment. If you have money burning a hole in your pocket and you've already invested in Bitcoin, beanie babies, and commemorative Elvis plates, then by all means, throw it at FapHouse. Otherwise, I'd suggest saving it for something more thrilling... like a pet rock. Am I being too mean? Sorry, I haven’t gotten laid for like… 2 days. I’m losing my shit.

Back to Reality

I am going to try to be a reasonable piece of shit for like two paragraphs. FapHouse.com/Taboo's misnomer of a name isn’t their fault. They draw these videos in from external sources and those sources tag the videos for them. If it says lesbian, it’s lesbian, even if it isn’t. FapHouse can’t exactly vet hundreds of thousands of videos for tag accuracy. And, even if they did, they’d run into the same issue I just did – they can’t really pin down what taboo actually means.

Currently, it’s almost entirely step sister and step mom shit, with one exception I found that was called… “Gypsy twins fuck South Park's man bear pig”. I shit you not, I copied the title verbatim. You can look it up. It was produced by HeavyOnHotties. This is … kind of taboo, I guess, in that the guy is an overweight abomination. And of course, twins are taboo by definition. Still, if this is the best FapHouse has to offer, I’m not impressed.

I’m Heartbroken as Fuck

Comparing this review to any of the other shit I’ve written about FapHouse will make you feel like maybe I’ve outsourced this shit to someone with serious beef towards this site, and I get you but… no, it’s all me. I really wrote this crap. Look, I love FapHouse. The quantity of quality approach works well for me. I’ve got a lifetime sub to this site. I’ve had it for a long time. I don’t frequent this place too often, because I’ve got like a thousand other subs to dive into on a regular basis, but every time I do swing by, I’m happy. I find something new that I didn’t know existed. It’s a fun barrel of smut to jump into at random.

But I’m reviewing the taboo section. This is an explicit, devoted part of the site that is supposed to appeal to people who are on the prowl for a specific type of smut. How the fuck am I supposed to recommend this shit to people when I know you guys will be let down?

You be the Judge

This is going to sound like a copout, because it fucking is – I leave the final word to you. You tell me if FapHouse’s taboo section is worth the money. I am lukewarm at best and I am not personally a taboo loving kind of guy. I’m taboo in the bedroom, but when it comes to smut, I mostly just care that I get to see pussy or a nice blowjob scene. I don’t need freaky shit to get hard. I’m pretty much hard all the time.

Luckily, there are trailers for every single video on this site, so at the very least you can sample before you make a final call. Check out the various videos on offer and make your decision. And, if any of you guys actually pay for the full experience, let me know if you consider this shit taboo.