Get My Nudes

If you want to Get My Nudes, there’s an app for that. I’m actually not here to hype PornDudeCasting today, though you can use the same web browser you’re using right now to watch me bone a bunch of famous pornstars and rising starlets. Nah, today’s topic of discussion is a game that works in your browser or in its own dedicated app, and like you probably guessed from the name, it’s all about beautiful, naked women. Maybe your Tinder game has been lacking lately, but this’ll give you the opportunity to at least gawk at some T&A while you beat off into an old sock.

GetMyNudes.com is a dating simulator starring real pornstars and sexy models. The genre is nothing new, as I’ve reviewed a few dozen such games over on my other site, BestPornGames. Usually, though, you spend your time trying to put the moves on anime girls, so I was immediately intrigued by the concept and the “real” women. I clearly ain’t alone, since the site gets around 30,000 visitors every month. Let’s see if I can get lucky, at least in a virtual sense.

I’m Ready to Get My Nudes!

When I first pulled up the GetMyNudes landing page, I didn’t even realize it was a game. The whole presentation looks and feels like it’s going to be a dating or hookup app, with big text at the top of the page describing it as “an app (where) you can watch and chat with sexy girls, find out their secrets and see hot photos.” They go on to mention all the hot chats with beautiful horny ladies you can have, along with the kind of sexy selfies you’d expect from a local hookup app. The word “game” appears exactly once out front, and it’s easy to miss.

Click the Open button and the whole thing unfolds into something I wasn’t expecting. On your desktop, it’ll bring up what looks like a virtual phone in your web browser. If you’ve got an Android device, it’ll prompt you to download the Android version. There’s no iOS version currently available, so apologies to the Apple cult members out there.

You don’t have to sign up or log in immediately, which means you can play with GetMyNudes a bit before you decide to sacrifice an email address to the spam gods. The initial gameplay they drop you into feels a hell of a lot like Tinder, as you’ll be swiping left or right depending on how hot you think the broads are. I started getting matches by my second swipe, which is even better than I do on Tinder. These robot chicks are fucking thirsty!

When you get a match, you’ll be prompted to open a chat with the lovely ladies. Some of them have a little disclaimer below the Chat button saying it’s for Premium members only. For the sake of the review and my wallet, I initially skipped these to see how far I could get without spending any money. A few minutes later, I was having a free chat with a sexy slut named Ariana.

Putting the Moves on Virtual Sluts

“Hello handsome, my name is Ariana,” read the first chat bubble the game showed me. “What’s your name? Write your name in the message input line!” Chats on GetMyNudes.com follow a multiple-choice format. In this case, I could choose the default nickname Pink Bunny, but I typed PornDude instead. After that, I was given just one text option, so I chose it.

“Hello honey,” my GetMyNudes persona wrote. “I noticed you right away but didn’t have time to write first.” The conversation played out quickly, with minimal waiting between messages. I started racking up heart points, though I didn’t know yet what they’d be good for. Ariana started sending sexy selfies right away, too. She wore lingerie in the first shot, and the second included a nipple. They weren’t bullshitting about the content on the tour page; there really is a lot of sexy content to unlock.

Then Ariana went offline and I got an ad for JerkMate. Much of the content on Get My Nudes is time-based, and you’ll recognize the mechanic if you’ve played adult video games before. Ariana would be back in half an hour, or I could pay 25 of my 200 initial diamonds to skip the timer. The freemium/free-to-play nature of GetMyNudes was revealing itself, but I wasn’t ready to spend any money yet.

I went back to the Swipe page and did some more flicking of my fingers. I wasn’t surprised when I ran out of swipes just a few seconds later. Again, GetMyNudes.com showed me a countdown timer and gave me the option to buy faster access. Altogether, I’d guess I played the game for about ten minutes before I hit this wall and couldn’t do much besides wait or pay to play. They do start you off with some free diamonds that you can use to unlock faster gameplay, but you’ll probably burn through them quickly.

Free Nudes and Premium Perks

If you compare the gameplay on GetMyNudes.com to a real dating app, those wait times actually don’t seem so bad at all. The thing is, you’ll probably be playing the game while you’re horny, so you’ll probably want to speed things up so you can get more of the titular nudes. The gameplay is simple and engaging, which makes it somewhat addictive when you throw in those nudie pics.

I thought the wait times were going to be the worst part of Get My Nudes, as they are on a lot of adult games. After trying to chat with another babe, though, I ran into a straight-up paywall. “The trial time is over,” the game told me, asking five bucks to keep chatting with this chick or “Get Them All” for forty bucks now and thirty bucks a month until I cancel. Yikes.

The good news is that there seems to be a fair amount of free content to get you all hard and drippy while you consider paying for the premium version. After being told I had to pay to keep chatting with one chick, I just started chatting with another. Again, I started getting some fapworthy selfies a minute or two into the simulated conversation.

Of course, every chat will hit the same walls eventually. Either the conversation ends until you go premium, or you’ll have another wait time that you can skip if you pony up some diamonds. With that in mind, I made my way to the Get My Nudes Shop to see what kind of packages were available. The diamonds start at five bucks for 500, with bigger discounts on bigger packs. There’s also a bundle of 5 secret chats available for twenty bucks.

I have to admit, the pricing scheme for the game is a little bit confusing. I wasn’t sure if that secret chat bundle was the same or similar to the forty-dollar “Get Them All” package I was offered earlier, which wasn’t even listed on the Shop page. It was also unclear whether I’d need to buy diamonds if I sprang for one of the chat packages. If I’m reading this right, I think you may need both to get full, unrestricted access to everything, which means this game can get expensive fast if you ain’t careful.

They do offer a fair amount of free diamonds to keep the game going without having to pay real money. You get 200 when you start playing, and can get another stack for completing tasks like confirming your email, subscribing to push notifications or completing your first task. How far will the freebies get you, though? It's hard to say, and it probably depends on how often you’re playing and how quickly you want to unlock all the content.

When I review a free-to-play game like GetMyNudes, one of my biggest questions is always how free it really is. GetMyNudes certainly ain’t the worst as far as forcing you into purchases and spamming up the experience with offers, but it’s far from the best. If you ain’t paying and you ain’t super patient, you’re probably going to experience some frustration with this one.

Still, I did enjoy the realistic sexting experience, especially since it had real photos of real women instead of the usual hentai sluts that tend to populate these games. I’d say this one’s worth a look if you’re looking for a dating simulator that mimics the fun of apps like Tinder but serves up legit nudes instead of getting you legit laid. There’s enough free stuff here to get you going and decide whether it’s worth paying for.