Paripesa

I checked out Paripesa this morning while waiting for a flight. I’d been hoping to do some gambling before being crammed between two strangers, which is one of the most difficult situations to be in for a compulsive masturbator like myself. Unfortunately, I got a message saying “Access to this website is prohibited in the USA.” Yeah, I ended up sulking, cranky and blue-balled for hours while traveling through the sky and over the ocean in what many would consider a goddamn miracle of modern technology.

It would have been better if I could experience multiple miracles at once, but I guess we can’t all be Jesus. Whatever, though, because I was able to access some of those other marvels as soon as we landed. I squeezed in a quick restroom fap to clear my mind before loading up Paripesa.com, an online sportsbook and casino where you can bet and win real cash or crypto. The joint’s been around since 2019 and gets a fair volume of traffic, which is always a good sign, but I wanted to try it for myself before I gave it my Porn Dude seal of approval.

Before I go any further, I should mention that Paripesa has a mobile app available for Android and iOS. The latter version is available in the Apple Store, putting it among the elite gambling sites who’ve been allowed access to the platform. If you’re an Android user, on the other hand, you’ll have to download the APK file from Paripesa.com and do the installation yourself. (It’s a simple two-step process, but I know how confused the grandpas in the audience can get when it comes to tech.)

Give Me Money and Let Me Gamble

Since I wasn’t even able to look at Paripesa when I was still stateside, it’s probably a good idea to take a look at who is allowed and who isn’t allowed to play on the site. They’re based in Nigeria, a country full of displaced princes who keep emailing me, though their userbase stretches to various corners of the globe. The USA is one of the only blocked countries, so they’ve got users coming by from all over the goddamn place; from Abkhazia to Guatamala, Laos to Palestine, Saudi Arabia to Zimbabwe. By the numbers, they’re most popular in Ireland, Ghana and Poland.

It is technically possible to connect to Paripesa from a banned country using a VPN. Poking around the usual gambling forums, though, it doesn’t seem like many gamblers are opting to. I’ve got a whole section of VPNs here at ThePornDude if you’re looking for more info on just how to do that, but if your country ain’t allowed to play Paripesa, you’re probably better off with one of the other online gambling dens among my big list of Betting Sites.

However you manage to load the thing up, one of the first things you’ll notice are the promos flashing by the top of the screen. Like other online casinos, one of the biggest perks is the fat welcome bonus they’re offering to new players. Make sure to choose the bonus that’s going to pick your gambling style, because they’ve got a couple available; the Casino and Games welcome bonus is considerably bigger than the one for Sports. They’re subject to the same rules as anywhere else, so you’ll have to play with those bonus credits for a while before cashing them out.

Whether you’re gambling on Paripesa.com or another site, I always recommend checking out the promo page to ensure you’re cashing in on all the available deals and freebies. These guys offer a nice range of promos to help entice players to the platform. Currently, they’ve got Saturday top-off bonuses, accumulator bonuses, birthday bonuses, bet insurance and even a bonus for people who keep losing, just to name a few.

Do Something Fun with Your Crypto for Once

I keep thinking we’ve reached the era of crypto everywhere, at least when it comes to casinos. The nerds have been talking about bitcoin replacing cash ever since that shit was invented, but for a while it was mainly just used for buying illegal bugs and drugs and hitmen off the darknet. Crypto has a lot more legitimacy these days, but it’s still used more for nebulous activities like gambling than it is to buy your grandma some flowers.

I bring this up because I reviewed an Asian casino the other day that still didn’t have crypto options. Paripesa.com is much better in this respect, because they’ve got a nice range of banking options using both crypto and traditional currency. They take e-wallets like Jeton and PayDo, payment systems like ADVcash and Nixmoney, e-vouchers and even Applepay. Their crypto options are more robust than elsewhere because they accept a bigger range of coins, from Tron to BTC to Litecoin and even Doge, for any Elon Musk fanboy still HODLing like a moron.

Registration is simple and fast, and the banking is getting faster all the time. You can be up and running in a matter of minutes, and then it’s time for the real fun. You’ve read through all this rambling about the setup, the perks and the restrictions, but what about the games? Well, I’ve got some good news on that front.

The sportsbook is the biggest draw on the site, so they’ve devoted much of the front page to it. You can gamble on a massive range of sports from all around the world. If you’ve got favorite leagues and preferred teams, you’ll have a ton of options for putting money down on them.

They put the most popular stuff out front, naturally. The current spread includes football across Europe and Asia, American basketball, as well as hockey. A much wider range of sports is available via a dropdown menu, including American football, tennis, volleyball, and a range of esports. While your dad risks it all on English football, the nerds can put their paycheck on Overwatch and Dota 2.

No Sluts, but They’ve Got Slots

At first, I really thought Paripesa.com was a sportsbook only. My guess is that they started by taking bets on sports before expanding to more casino-type games, because the slots and other fun are tucked away in some menus at the top of the screen. A few slot machines and coin-puking graphics might draw some more gamblers, I’m just saying.

I checked out the Live Casino section first, where I found variations of all the classic table games with live dealers. Roulette and blackjack are the big sellers around here, with many versions of each game, plus the usual batch of standards like poker, wheel of fortune, baccarat and a handful of lotteries. Personally, I’m partial to the games with hot dealers, of which there are many.

Online casinos are still trying to capture the chaotic magic of walking into a real brick-and-mortar gambling den. There’s really nothing that compares to walking into a loud, smoke-filled maze of fruit machines flashing and beeping and spitting out tokens. (Hell, even real casinos have largely lost the magic of tokens, thanks to digital payouts where you trade a receipt to the dealer.) Paripesa does what they can to recreate the vibe with a fucking shit ton of slots and other virtual games.

If you’ve been an internet gambler for any length of time, chances are you’ve pulled the virtual crank on a few of these games already, even if this is your first time at Paripesa. Their games come from the usual crop of respected game providers, like Mancala, Smartsoft and Mascot Gaming. While some dumbasses may lament the lack of “original” games on the site, these providers are a good indicator that you’re playing in a legitimate and fair online casino.

And at the end of the day, that’s what it all boils down to, right? Any casino, online or otherwise, is only as good as the games, the odds and the payouts. Paripesa.com has nearly everything a gambler could want in such an establishment, minus the hookers and coke dealers lingering around the tables. You’ll have to find those vices elsewhere, I guess. Good thing you can play Paripesa from damn near anywhere with an internet connection. Good luck and happy gaming!