Greetings, my lust-filled compadres! It’s your favorite connoisseur of carnal pleasures, ThePornDude, and oh boy, do I have a treat for you today. It’s been a long time coming. I’ve been mastering the art of pussy plowing for decades. I have to share my secrets with you now or I’ll burst. I want you to learn from the master. You’ve been fed bullshit by self-identifying alphas. It’s time to get some proper advice.
Bad Advice Going Around
I was going to let you fuckers figure some things out on your own, because I have faith in you, but a lot of you seem to be taking in a lot of shitty advice from people who have no fucking clue what they’re talking about. Every single pick-up artist I’ve seen on TikTok is a complete and utter moron. Maybe I’m not looking in the right places, but I know TikTok is popular and it’s a shame that complete and utter drivel passes as genuine advice on there.
I am not going to make a TikTok dating series. Fuck that. It would eat up too much of my time. I’m already posting memes on there. It’s enough. Instead, you’ll have to read this article. Sorry, I’m old school. I actually write down my thoughts. Crazy, right? Imagine reading a book in 2023. We’re all insane now. In the previous guide, I gave you as much wisdom as I could possibly muster to get you to the point where you’re actually out on a date with a woman. I also covered some conversation topics and basic interactions, so I’ll skip all that for now. Let’s get to the meat of the interaction now. The sex, from the top. You’re on a date, it’s going well, the meal is done, and you’re walking home. Let’s go.
Asking for a Nightcap
The Americans coined this term. At the door, you ask for a nightcap. It means you want to come in and have a bedtime drink. It’s a really coded way of saying “give me the pussy, please”. Assuming you haven’t even kissed the girl yet, let’s get around those steps first.
The First Kiss
There are two ways. One’s easy, one’s hard.
The easy way, and how I usually do it, is to just offer. Not ask. Offer.” I’d love to kiss you right now”. I shit you not, it has never ever failed me. Granted, if the date didn’t go well, this part won’t work either. But, it’s much better than the alternative.
The hard way, and one that some women find really attractive, is to simply step closer, gently, but firmly and essentially get so close that to kiss you all they have to do is move forward an inch and initiate. It’s similar to the easy way, in that you’re still having her pull the trigger, but it can come off a bit intimidating, especially at night, with no people around. That’s why I don’t recommend it. Risk it if you insist, but I think you’re just begging for a disaster.
Can I Come In?
Again, don’t ask, offer. Tell her that you had a great night and you don’t wish for it to end. Whether you’re dropping her off, or she’s in front of your place, the implication is clear. You want her to come in with you. To steal a bit from my previous article, here you’re looking at three possibilities. No, yes and maybe. Yes is clear. No means no. If she says no, you say “Damn shame. I look forward to seeing you again. Bye”. Then you fuck off with the force of a thousand suns and you do not turn around to look at her as you walk away.
What about the maybe? Well, if she says something to the tune of “I’m not sure” or “I don’t think it’s a good idea”, it’s time to accept her rejection while stating your truth. “If you insist. I think it would be wonderful, though”. Then, again, you gently walk away. If she changes her mind, great, if not, see “No means no”.
It’s Going Well
If she says yes, well, you go in, but for the love of God hide your excitement. Be cordial and cool. Don’t make her regret it, I’m begging you. If she has a nice apartment, enjoy the decorations. If she offers you a drink, as for a non-alcoholic. You really don’t need booze minutes away from what will most likely be sex. Also, don’t put your hands on her. Let her drive. It’s her apartment. If it’s your apartment, instead, get her a non-alcoholic and sit on your couch. Let her decide to sit next to you. You don’t have to guide her, she can figure out the couch on her own.
If you’re sitting together on the couch, at this point, it’s slightly more acceptable to just initiate a kiss without asking, considering she’s straight up breaking your personal bubble willingly. Just be slow about it. If she recoils at all, back up gently. Don’t apologize. Apologies are for mistakes, not miscommunications. Just back up and drink your juice. Let her tell you what’s wrong. Don’t put her on the spot.
Second Base
The key to second base is that it’s not third base. Repeat that three times. Don’t go grabbing tits and ass, while you’re still enjoying the first proper make out. The more you savor the make out, the better the tits and ass will be. Trust me. Ralph Fiennes had a nice line about this in The Menu. He said, savor, taste, but do not eat, please. He was talking about food, I am talking about pussy. It works. Pussy is a delicacy. Savor.
Enjoy the kissing until she decides to ramp it up. Let her decide when to take her clothes off, unless she’s waiting for you. How do you know? I’ll give you a cheat sheet on this. Kiss for three minutes, then, gently move your hands up her shirt, just above her stomach. If she moves back and lifts her arms, boom. She wants you to slide it all off. If she doesn’t, go back to second base and focus. Give it another three minutes.
Third Base
You’re in the endzone, don’t fuck it up. How you got there from a baseball metaphor, no one knows. She’s taking her clothes off, you’re stripping yours, it’s all going swimmingly. The first thing you want to do when the goods are on display is lick, suck and kiss everything but the goods. It’ll drive her crazy. She flashes her tits? You kiss her stomach. She bends over to flash her pussy; you lick her ass. I mean, if you’re into that.
The bottom line here is simple. You want to let her know that you’re worshipping all of her, not just the one hole you’ll be plowing down the line. She’s not a cum receptacle. She’s a person. The more you appreciate that, the more cum she will guzzle. Sounds misogynistic, but really, it’s just a fact of life. People want to be appreciated, so, appreciate them.
The Main Event
There are many ways you can start off the pussy fucking and my personal go-to is eating the pussy. First, I go in wild, then I slow down and focus on the different parts, with the clit sort of taking center stage, in-between licks. I try not to pound the clit too hard. It can be very sensitive and this could throw her off.
You could go for some nipple sucking or a bit of naked kissing if that’s your forte, but really there’s no way to do this part wrong, unless you straight up shove your cock in there. It’s better to delay that part by one action. It gives her time to get extremely wet and it incentivizes her to jump on your cock herself. You could even make out with her on top, with your cock neatly pressing against her clit, driving her crazy and encouraging her to take control.
Once you’re past this point, you should pretty much be able to handle the rest. There’s something to be said about the aftermath, like don’t immediately leave the bed once you’re spent. If she wants to cuddle a bit, cuddle. It won’t kill you. Hell, you might go for round two. If you’d like a shower, invite her to shower with you. At the very least, you get to soap up her tits. It’s good shit.
The Aftermath
Cuddle, snuggle, kiss and whatever the fuck else you feel like doing. But, most of all, leave the impression that you’re still the same guy as before. We have this tendency to shift personalities after we blow our load. Do yourself a favor and a half and push back against that, by connection your personality traits from before, into the after. Meaning, if you cared about her sexy bra before, care about it after, when she puts it back on. Hell, hand it back to her. Help her put her shirt on, or at least offer to. Be the same cute charming presence.
If you turn into a different guy after the sex is over, you shouldn’t have had sex to begin with. Trust me, I know what I’m on about. Also, you gain a lot of charisma points if you offer to make her a snack afterwards. Everyone loves a snack.
None of This Actually Matters
I just gave you a blow-by-blow of an entire evening that you can use as a guiding schema. It’s a summary of how I’ve done shit before and for the most part it all went swimmingly. However, none of it really matters. This isn’t science. Baby making is science. Sex is an art that everyone is passionate about. No matter how you do it, you’re always innovating.
Ultimately, you have to signal your passions and read the signals coming from the other person. Not everyone wants to have their asshole licked. Not everyone enjoys deep pussy penetration. I’ve seen chicks complain about the full length of my cock before. It happens. Hell, anything could happen. Pace yourself and remember the value of open communication. Offer, don’t ask. Give, don’t take. It’s basic stuff and it’ll get you through most interactions in life, especially ones that involve women.
The Scary Questions
Let’s talk about shit that scared men have asked me about in the past. Some of them were virgins, so the questions were really out of left field.
Where’s the Clitoris?
In the middle. Lick from the center, where the pussy parts, then drag upwards until you hit the very edge. You should feel a button in between the top most part of the lips, where there’s an angle. The clit is shrouded underneath, but can be exposed with your tongue. If the chick is upside down, it’s a bit harder to reach but the same principle applies. Down the middle, away from you, at the tip.
Where’s the G-Spot?
It’s on the opposite end of the clitoris, on the inside of the pussy. It’s literally just the clitoris, but from the back. It runs deep, though. If the chick is facing you, insert a finger in, then curl it towards yourself and slide up. You’ll feel the G-spot. It’s rougher than the rest of the skin. It’s bumpy.
What if My Cock is Small?
I’ve gotten this question the most. Here’s the glorious answer you’ve been waiting for. It doesn’t matter at all. I’ve made women orgasm with my fingers, my tongue and one time I gave a chick an orgasm just by licking her nipple. Yes, it’s possible. I swear. Giant cocks are nice, no-one is disputing that. But, if you really want to give a woman a giant cock, then just fucking buy one made of latex. Get a horsecock sized dildo. Who cares? Your cock is your genitalia. It’s there to satisfy you, not her. She has her own hotspots. Use those. You’re not trying to make a child here; you’re trying to have fun.
If your cock doesn’t hit all the right spots, go at them with the dedication of a fighter pilot. Fire all weapons right at the target until something blows. Use your fingers, your tongue, your best friend’s cock, whatever it takes. If you want to satisfy her, you will.
What if My Cock is Too Big?
Same as above. It’s your cock, not hers. Do with it what you wish. Sex is a mutual thing. Let her guide you halfway and stop worrying about it.
How do I Make Her Orgasm?
Short answer? You don’t. She does. She’s in control. She feels her arousal better than you ever will. You want to make her orgasm, then just be there for her. Follow her rhythm. When she says “Yeah right there, don’t stop” then fucking keep doing what you were doing before. Don’t go faster. Why would you go faster? She said “don’t stop”. That means don’t change anything.
Generally, it’s better to go slow than fast. Go slow until she asks you to go faster. It’s a good rule of thumb. Let her guide you. Some women cum 10 times in 30 minutes, some cum once in an hour. This is normal. It’s the same with dudes.
What if I Go Flaccid?
Fuck her regardless. No need to push rope when you’ve got other tools at your disposal. But, here’s the kicker. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about it. If you go limp, look down at your toolkit and say “I need a break”, then continue having other kinds of sex. Don’t hide your half-chub. There’s nothing there to hide. You’re having fun regardless. It’ll come back up when it wants to. In the meantime, you’ve got a woman to lick.
What If I Blow My Load?
Good! You’re supposed to blow your load, you asshat. That’s the whole point! Enjoy it. Squeeze out every last drop while you stare your babe in the face and savor the moment. Then, if she wants to keep fucking, just keep fucking her. Give your dick a break and do it for her. They already do that for us every single day, why shouldn’t we do the same for them?
Same as with the flaccid thing, don’t be embarrassed. Be proud, of yourself and of her. Tell her “That was amazing”, then keep fucking her. If you fill a condom, dump it, replace it and keep going when your dick comes back up.
What if She’s Not Enjoying Herself?
Ask her. And, if she confirms it, just stop. It’s not that hard. Don’t apologize. Just stop. Again, “damn shame” and move on. Ask her if she wants to do something else instead. Tell her you enjoy her company. Let her decide how to proceed. She might want to service you for your own sake, or she might flat out want to yeet and do something else. It’s all well and good.
What If She Spits Instead of Swallowing?
Say a prayer for her mortal soul and light a candle at your earliest convenience. Don’t tell her anything about this.
How To Know What She Wants?
You can’t. Follow the signals and if that’s not working, ask. You can be nerdy and straight up go “What would you want me to do to you?” or you can play it witty and ask “What’s your kink?”. There’s no wrong way to ask. Just ask.
What if She Mentions Her Ex?
The first time, you say “Lucky guy”. The second time, you say “I don’t want to hear about that”. There shouldn’t be a third time.
Boner Pills and Aphrodisiacs?
They’re equal part placebo and medicine. Depends on your condition. Could be necessary, could be symbolic. Your call. Talk to your physician.
Becoming a Legend
It always boils down to confidence and comfort with your identity. We often talk about this huge nightmare that everyone has at least once, about being naked in public. I don’t know the deeper psychological implications of it, but what I do know is that you should be perfectly capable of handling that situation without breaking down in tears.
I’m not saying you should take your clothes off in public. I’m saying you should be perfectly comfortable with your naked body at all times, no matter what’s going on. If you’re not, then you’ll get there. Pace yourself. It’s not about losing weight or building muscle. It’s about getting sick and tired of judging yourself and realizing that ultimately none of this matters at all. When babes see you standing naked, in front of them, not giving a flying fuck about modesty or shame, they’ll love you for it. Hell, they’ll worship you. Nothing screams alpha male more than not giving a fuck about how people perceive you.
Leaving a Lasting Impression
If you followed all, some or none of the above tips, then you should be well on your way to becoming an unforgettable male specimen. Trust in yourself and your own worth, then offer your talents, wisdom, passions and cock to the people who you deem deserve to have them.
And as a final point I leave you with this completely useless bit of wisdom:
Everyone has been where you are. No-one was born a sex machine. No matter how low you think you’ve sunk, you’re wrong. If you can wake up in the morning and splash some water in your face, you’re about as cool as I am. You just have to find it in yourself to believe that properly. You can’t force it. It will most certainly come naturally to you. In the meantime, to blow off steam, you know where to go.
