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In the great era of self-isolation, everyone is becoming more self-sufficient, but are constantly on edge and needing to blow off stress. To make things worse, delivery times for online orders can be slow, and with entire countries being shut down for many, cash is tight.
So, with all of these bothersome restrictions on movement and money, most people are looking to family, friends, or themselves to provide the services and goods that they need to get by.
Homemade face masks anyone?
As a severe consequence, people are turning to porn now more than ever rather than going out on dates or hooking up with their best FWB myself included.
As great as adult entertainment can be, it’s always nice to have a little something “extra” to make your next solo sex session even better. Normally, I would recommend people check out my list of the best online toy stores.
Nowadays, though, I realize that I need to do a more comprehensive listicle on DIY sex toy creation.
So, do you need to release some steam and spill some girl squirt or man cream? Here is a comprehensive guide on how to make your own homemade sex toy or two or even several.
Before we get into it: here are da rules
Before we begin, because I am so not into getting sued or blamed for giving incomplete advice, there are a few guidelines you are going to want to stick to.
Don’t use breakables
If you have any imagination at all, I’m sure that you’ve looked around your household and thought, “Hey, I think that would feel great if I put that [fill in the blank with pleasure part here].” But just because it seems like it may feel like a good time doesn’t mean that it will.
I have a nursing friend who tells me all the time about horror stories of people who have been rushed to the ER after damaging some part of their fun bits or gotten homemade sex items irretrievably stuck in some deep, dark part of their body. In a few cases, these reckless fuckers have even had to get surgery.
I mean, talk about ouch!
For this reason, when selecting household toys, be sure to use things that are sturdy, durable, and not likely to get lost because of a slip of the hand when using them.
Stay away from phthalate and nonporous material
A big mistake many people make when constructing their first few homemade sex toys is that they incorporate materials that contain phthalate. Not only can this chemical fuck up your hormones and, therefore, your reproductive drive, but it’s also linked to causing certain cancers, asthma, and other illnesses.
There is a reason this chemical is forbidden from being used in bedding, bottles, and children’s toys. For that matter, you should probably check all of your store-purchased sex toys while you are at it.
Moving on, porous items like luffas or really firm, phallically shaped sponges might sound satisfying in theory. However, with even one usage, they are hard to clean and can be a magnet for harmful bacteria.
Make sure you prep everything thoroughly (!)
Honestly, I shouldn’t have to bring this up. But as someone with experience diving into the crevices of someone who claimed to be prepared only to get a chocolate surprise, I have to.
Read carefully: Clean. Your. Toys.
Use your best judgment, but some materials you are going to want to use just hot water or add some soap in some cases. Furthermore, to prevent any mess from coming out of your body, depending on what kind of pleasuring you are going to be using, you might want to clean your body out, too.
If you need to douche, a simple water bottle should be enough to flush your orifices of feces or other waste. However, just be aware that you should only use water, NOT soap.
Further, just stick to using cool or at most lukewarm water. I’ve heard from enough female and male friends that there is nothing worse than having a hole filled with scalding water. To give you an idea of what that’s like, imagine gulping a mouthful of searing hot tea and trying to hold it in for a few seconds. Yeah, it’s kind of like that.
Pace yourself
I did check to make sure that everything listed here is safe, or at least for most people. But since everyone is different, not everyone is going to have the same experience. Since you are going to be applying or inserting these things into yourself, make sure you are always listening to your body.
If something is more than just a little uncomfortable at first, stop and give yourself some time to breathe. Just like doing anal for the first time – whether you were giving or receiving – use caution. In the event that it just isn’t working, try a different toy altogether. There’s no point in wrecking your body permanently while trying to have a good time.
Naturally, if you experience any redness, excess flushing, or other worrisome physical signs while using any of the homemade toys, I talk about see a damn doctor.
You can make a Fleshlight many different ways
When it comes to making sex toys for gents, I’ve already done a how-to on making a poor man’s fleshlight, but there are a few other ways to going about making a pocket pussy.
PVC piping
You would think that the simple way to have fun with this product is to simply lube up the interior and go at it. However, not all PVC is manufactured the same, so you might run into some sharp edges. Plus, this sort of piping contains phthalate!
If you want to get away from this potentially painful problem and add to the sensation, all you need is a few other household items. All you will need is an old but clean sock filled with lotion. To make sure it stays put when you are jacking away, roll the end of the sock over the pipe and secure it with duct tape or a few rubber bands.
Obviously, specific lengths and circumferences are going to vary based on your personal dimensions.
Sandwich bags
This one is pretty easy to use, is one of those household items everyone has, and if you don’t, it is pretty cheap. There is almost no prep time, and it keeps the climatic mess contained. All you need to do fill it up with your preferred homemade lube, stick your dick in it and go to town.
For even more sensation, you might like sticking your baggie in between the cushions of your couch. Not only does the pressure feel great, but the weight of the sofa means you can go at it handsfree.
Pearl necklace
Well fellas, if you are used to giving someone the wet version of one of these, why not give yourself one with this bit jewelry? Try it out, and you really might shoot heavy and far enough to do so.
All you need to do is wrap it around your dick, maybe add a bit of lube, and start whacking away. You’d be surprised how great it feels if you put them in the freezer for half an hour.
There is more than one way to make lube
I remember back when I first started playing with my pecker. My goto was KY jelly. But why limit yourself to something so mundane? As the say goes, there is more than one way to skin a cat or your sausage. All you need to do is raid your kitchen for a few supplies, and you’ve got all the ingredients you need to take your wank game to the next level.
Cornstarch mix
Got some edible starches lying around and access to clean water? Then you can make this lube in a snap.
All you need to do is take a cup of water and combine it with three teaspoons of either organic potato or cornstarch. Whisk the mix thoroughly until dissolved, then place on medium heat and keep whisking away. Add a little heat slowly and continue beating away until you see the magical transformation of opaque liquid into a thick gel. It’s almost instantaneous, so pay close attention when you’re cooking.
Once it’s gelatinous, whisk a bit longer and let it cool before you start applying it to your toys.
Scale-up for larger volumes if you want but do so proportionally. Just make sure that you do not store this in a refrigerator. Instead, keep your cum conjuring concoction in a sealed container at room temperate.
Not only can this be used with your genitalia, but this recipe is perfect for anal action as well.
Coconut oil
This is a great lubricant that does not require any additional substances to enjoy, and it has many other benefits. For one, you don’t have to worry about is degrading sex toys or not providing enough sensation with the initial application, unlike silicone and water-based lubes. There are no additives in virgin coconut oil, which might irritate the skin or your inny parts, which might happen if you use artificial sex toy lubes.
Unless you have a rare condition, are a lady with a Ph balance, or have a problem with yeast infections, no need to worry about getting a bad rash or worse.
Just don’t use this or any other oil if you are going to using condoms while enjoying sex with yourself. They’ll tear those Jimmy caps up, and then you’ll be painfully expelling bits of rubber for days. I should let you know that this stuff can leave nasty stains on the sheets, so you may want to put a towel down beforehand.
Another benefit of coconut oil is its anti-fungal and anti-bacterial properties, and for all of you, eco-conscious people, it is all-natural, too. Plus, you can find it in most grocery stores and at a reasonable price if you know where to look.
I’m told that it tastes pretty good, too.
To sum up, if you are in a pinch, coconut oil is a great lubricator that will make you nut like you never have before.
Aloe vera lube
Of course, you can just use aloe vera oil straight from the container, but with a few more ingredients, this plant-based gel can be an even better edible genital greaser. All you need to do is mix it with an equal amount of flaxseed oil and a few drops of essential oil if desired.
Not only does this concoction feel amazing, but it also combines the best of all worlds. It’s natural, it smells great, and you can use it with just about any sex toy and also condoms!
Fair warning: though most people don’t, there are a small number of people who are allergic to aloe vera. If you don’t have any experience with this substance, rub a little bit on your skin and wait a few days to see how you will react first.
There are dildos; dildos all around the house
Making a homemade sex toy does require you to have a BA in engineering to get the job done. In fact, most of the things you can use require next to no assembly required, and sometimes not even an outlet or batteries.
Vibrating razor and similar electronics
Take the blades off first! But once you do, this can be a great way to get endless hours of erotic delight once you get a rhythm going. Other vibrating devices can work just as well, too, like your mobile phone, especially if you ask your significant other to call you continuously.
An electric toothbrush
Break out the batteries and start playing with the settings. As with all impromptu toys on this list, you may want to try going slow if you don’t know what you are doing.
Just be careful when you are using it to keep the back of the brush on your parts, and the bristles pointed away from your lady bits. That is unless you’ve got a clit made of steel, or are a bit of a pain slut.
A regular brush
While not as intense as an electric toothbrush, a simple hairbrush can be a great substitute depending on its size and shape. Not only can this common item make for a fantastic external stimulator, but one with the right handle may also provide some lovely internal penetration.
Be creative with produce
Have you ever seen that scene from American Pie? You know the scene I’m talking about, the scene where Jim digs his fingers into his mom’s (literal) warm apple pie and then starts pumping it as though it were Asa Akira’s ass.
Well, there are some less sticky methods to enjoy what you might have lying around in the refrigerator. For front hole or backdoor fun, the vegetables I recommend include cucumbers, zucchini, corn, and large carrots. Other than thoroughly washing them to get any lingering dirt off, you shouldn’t have to worry about any kind of contamination with your bits. Just don’t peel the skin because, you know, that kind of defeats the purpose.
If you are feeling brave, stretched out, or especially horny, maybe an eggplant might be more your speed. Just be sure that you use lots of lube. I mean seriously, no matter how flexible your hole is, pour that shit on there; otherwise, you risk a tearing situation.
Just be sure to leave the kitchen, go to your room and lock the door when you do, or awkward situations might arise when your roommates, parents, or significant other might suddenly come home.
As for the guys out there, you are going to want to find a fruit that is big enough to handle your whole Johnson but can easily have a hole drilled into it. I’d stay away from watermelons, but instead do it with cantaloupe, honeydew melon, or similar produce.
Another thing you can try is recycling banana peels. For beginners, you can try a slightly less than fresh ‘nana skin to stroke your cock with. The slime of an older banana acts as an excellent form of lube, and if you want to kick things up a notch, try microwaving the peel for a few seconds.
If you are into ice-play, try dipping the banana leftovers in a glass of ice water to get a sweet, cooling sensation.
Got a thing for a “give while taking” feeling? Wank with this while shoving a well-lubricated unwrapped plantain up your butt.
It will almost feel like you are the Lucky Pierre of a threeway.
Or at least, so I’ve heard. 😉
Try out some other household items and appliances
To be honest, not all homemade sex toys are really made; they are found. With enough creativity and a can-do attitude, you can use the following to turn a dull weekday afternoon into a night you will never forget.
Got a TV remote
Now, this is one where it is going to be a little tricky, depending on what kind of remote you have. Between the size, the shape, not to mention the number and texture of the buttons, using your boob tube clicker can be your new favorite toy or lead to a disaster.
I can’t give any specifics other than you have to make sure that you know your body’s limits and to be conservatives when you cram this thing up to your preferred hole. Use plenty of lube, of course, and you might want to clean up when you are done thoroughly.
That or risk your guests or family getting a slimy mess on their hands when they want to Netflix and chill at your place.
Play with your shower head
If you ask me, almost nothing beats sex in the shower. However, if you are on lockdown and need something to substitute someone wetting your between-me-down-there, a showerhead works spectacularly well.
Just like an electric toothbrush, most showerhead models have several modes that you can play with to get optimal results. And if you end up squirting up a storm, all of your juices will wind up down the drain anyway.
Ride the washing machine
We’ve probably all heard of the story about the lonely housewife who sat on her deluxe washing machine to make up for crappy sex life. Well, there is a reason those stereotypes exist – because they happen!
And it’s easy to see why. Laundry appliances never get tired, they can be turned on at any time, and they won’t leave you for the busty bartender down at the local pub.
But seriously girls, try it – you may like it more than you think. And for anyone with a dildo which has a suction cup, you might want to try sticking it to the washing machine during the spin cycle to make next-to-no-cost sex-machine.
No matter what, you think of any of these sensations, you will never look at the items in your washroom the same again.
ThePornDude’s final words
I could go on with even more recipes and methods to turn an everyday household item into a pleasure tool, but I thought I’d limit myself to just a few examples. As always, if you like what you’re reading, send an email my way, and I may do a followup.
Until then, try all of these out and let me know what works for you. If you had a great time using the knowledge I dropped here, share this post with your friends, family, coworkers, and even your boss, if you’re feeling brave. Who knows, you may just get a raise.
In the meantime, have a good one, guys.
