Bitch Your Famous! If I was writing this review for any other website, I’d probably start off by saying I’m about to ruin your day. The thing is, I know you sick fucks all too well. Bitchyourfamous.com definitely ain’t a website for everybody, but you’re going to love it if you’re the kind of freak who likes the seedier side of the Internet.
Let me give you a word of caution before we dive right in. If you’ve got a weak stomach, a weak heart or a noble one, go watch something else. Bitchyourfamous makes your favorite hardcore fist-fuck orgy movie seem like some vanilla made-for-TV shit. You’ve been warned.
This Is Not a Safe Space
Bitch Your Famous looks at first glance like it might just be another free porn tube on the Internet. It’s a simple design with stylized logo and a black background. Beneath the header is a bunch of video thumbnails. There are babes leaking cum from their snatches, hot women giving blowjobs, thick mamas show off their asses, trannies getting into street fights, and some dude beating the ever-living fuck out of his best friend for fucking his woman.
Wait a minute. Those last couple seem a little weird for a porn site. Maybe it has something to do with Bitchyourfamous’s motto: Not A Safe Space. Yeah, somebody tell that to the former buddy getting his shit kicked in.
The default page view seems to be newest first, so I started clicking my way through the older stuff. It’s mostly sexy content, which will make the traditional perverts happy. You can watch Ebony teen lesbians fucking in the back of a school bus, crackhead cock-sucking, girls getting trained in the anal arts, and blondes taking on some epic-level Big Black Cock.
Mixed in with all that is some, uh, non-sexy content. After you watch the Indian version of Kim Kardashian shake her ass, you can watch a wannabe bus-hijacker get beaten half to death. You can beat off to a Latina weather-lady showing off for the camera, and then you can eat some popcorn while seeing an entire human corpse eaten by an alligator. There are prostitutes, explosions, public sex, suicides, MILFs, and straight-up murders.
A New, Less-Stupid Thing to Yell in Public
If you haven’t figured it out yet, Bitchyourfamous is basically a WorldstarHipHop clone. The page description at the top is, “Gore/xxx/fights/hip-hop/adult humor & viral videos,” which is the same thing you’ll find at Worldstar. Bitchyourfamous does seem to be mostly sex, which is a better ratio of the two sites, but you still get plenty of public freakouts, fights, car accidents and hip-hop. Bitchyourfamous doesn’t have exclusive music videos like WSHH, but that’s not why I visit either site. You know what I’m into, fuckers.
Bitch Your Famous gets almost 2 million views a month. It’s not bad, but it’s a teeny tiny fraction of what Worldstar gets. They’ve got a long way to go before they get the same recognition, but they’re a much younger site. Bitchyourfamous didn’t even get off the ground until 2016, nearly a decade after those other guys. Honestly, I’m rooting for BYF, even if my reason is kind of stupid.
A couple of weeks ago, I watched some really drunk guy at the bar whip his dick out and start pissing on the wall. He wasn’t trying to be sneaky. Everybody saw him, and by the time the bouncer grabbed him, spraying more piss all over the place, half the bar was screaming, “Worldstar!”
Good god, what a stupid world we live in. Hey, you iPhone-addicted shitheads. Step up your game a little bit. Next time you record somebody melting down in public or getting their head stomped until their brains run out their ears, you can scream “Bitch, you’re famous!” Yeah, it’s still the name of a media website, but at least it makes sense while you’re yelling it.
Let’s Corrupt Our Minds
The first thumbnail on the front page has some sexy Black girl smiling and flashing her cunt for the camera. “Black Girlfriends EXPOSED” read the caption. It made my mouth water and my cock hard, so I clicked on it. It turns out it wasn’t even a video on Bitchyourfamous, but a link to a different website. The move fucked up my browser history, so I had to rapidly click back a few times to return.
The next two thumbnails sent me to Chaturbate’s sign-up screen. That’s some sneaky bullshit, but it looks like these surprise links are only in the top row. When I clicked the Super Hot Model Showing Her Perfect Tits And Pussy, the video screen came. I clicked Play and a full-screen pop-up smashed its way through my ad-blocker. I closed it, tried again, and the show started.
This chick has some seriously huge tits. The video opens with her bouncing them in her hands, and she pulls off her panties and fucks a dildo a couple minutes later. The quality is okay, not HD, and it’s not adjustable. The video plays on a no-frills Oload player.
There’s a button to leave a tip below the video. It brings you to a PayPal page that will let you tip $25 to an Italian ice company. I Googled the name of the business, and found an actual Italian ice shop not far from me with the same name. I’m pretty fucking confused about where the money actually goes. It’s not like I was watching a live cam-girl or something.
Look at All This Fucked-Up Shit
Bitchyourfamous is mobile friendly, but you do get a bigger header if you’ve got a wider screen like on a laptop. Without it, you’ve got to click the dropdown in the top left corner to get access to the categories. There are some more outgoing links disguised as categories, but some of the actual BYF subgenres lead to some fucked-up shit.
I’m all about the Porn category. It’s got thousands of videos, and they’re all sex. There’s also a much smaller Tube Porn category. I’m not sure what the difference is, except Tube Porn has a PornHub logo as its thumbnail for some reason.
Bitchyourfamous’s hip-hop angle is reflected in the Celeb Sex Tapes area. You’ve got your classics like Tonya Harding and Stormy Daniels, but you’ll also see a lot of these tattoo-faced kids like Tekashi 6ix9ine and Swae Lee smashing their bitches. Cardi B fans are going to be really happy to see her in action, and people who can’t stand Cardi B will be happy to see her mouth is full.
When you’re done jacking off, make your way to the Fight, Funny, or Accident categories. If that ain’t hard enough, try Crazy, Suicide, or Murder. Get your fill of beheadings and eye-gougings, then chase it with some puppy videos in the Positive Vibes section.
We’ve Got Some Serious Issues
Right when I started checking out the site, I noticed a funky little icon in my browser that I don’t usually see. Apparently, Bitchyourfamous was “trying to load scripts from unauthenticated sources.” I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds shady as hell, and I’m glad my browser handled it for me.
Another issue I ran into was broken pages/links. I wanted to find out whether the Beating section was what I do to my meat or what Chris Brown does to his girlfriends, but it just led to a broken page of garbled nonsense text. This happened a few times during my visit.
I’m less concerned about the missing E in the name than the missing E that festival slut stole from my tent, but just for shits and giggles I tried spelling Bitch You’re Famous correctly in the URL bar. It brings me to a sign-up page for some kind of BYF-branded social media thing.
Bitchyourfamous is a treat for the lizard part of your brain. This isn’t smarty-pants porno for intellectuals. This is wild shit that’s going to tickle the basest, most primitive part of your brain, the part that doesn’t know anything but fucking and fighting, procreation and survival. Bitchyourfamous isn’t just a site for crazy videos. It’s an acknowledgment that we’re all just animals, and that’s just fine. You’re going to love it.