If I told you there was a site called Amateurs-Gone-Wild, you’d probably want a look right? Yeah, I think that initial reaction is the only reason this site gets any traffic at all. It sounds like something that just can’t go wrong. Amateurs? Going wild? Sign me the fuck up!
I’ll tell you before you waste another moment, Amateurs-Gone-Wild is one of the worst sites I’ve looked at all year. If you’re looking for something to beat your meat to, just leave now. This review is for perverts who like to look at train wrecks.
What In the Fucking Hell Is This?
The very first thing you will notice about Amateurs-Gone-Wild is that it is definitely an amateur site. I don’t mean the homemade porno is going to jump out at you immediately. No, I mean you’ll instantly know this entire website was made by someone who just doesn’t even understand the Internet. It’s amateur on every single level.
Good fucking god. The Amateurs-Gone-Wild domain was registered in 2005, but the design looks even older than that. This looks like some teenage GeoCities bullshit straight out of the ‘90s, only with cocksucking whore photos instead of whiny goth bitch poetry. I would have assumed I stumbled into some stale site abandoned years ago, but I just checked and they’re getting 3.6 million hits a month.
It’s not just the plain, ugly text or white background that gives it an ancient, outdated look. It’s the whole layout. This isn’t the typical grid-style free porn tube, a forum for sharing pics of your wife, or archive with featured bits of smut. Anybody used to modern adult websites is going to wonder just what, exactly, the fuck?
Beneath the plain-ass site name at the top, there’s a motto claiming they offer Free Amateur Porn and HomeMade Porn Videos and Pictures Submitted By Visitors. A short blurb full of keywords follows. You know the drill. They’ve got exes and wives and swingers, all the folks you want to see on an amateur site.
The trouble is, it’s not readily apparent if you’ll even find any of that DIY smut on Amateurs-Gone-Wild. Below the site’s self-description, the whole thing devolves into a jumble of seemingly random links to other amateur sites.
There’s a header full of outgoing links at the top and a long sidebar full of them running down the left side the page for a mile or two. Below the header, a few random categories are listed in text, and some more with text and photos. You’d think they lead to Amateurs-Gone-Wild’s own sex vids, but nah, they go elsewhere.
I see a flashing link purporting to be the ‘Amateurs Gone Wild’ DOWNLOADABLE VIDEO ARCHIVE! HOT! It goes to another site that may or may not be run by the same people, but it costs money. I specifically came here to cum for free.
I still haven’t scrolled down the page at all yet. The next item I see is a list of Highly Recommended Free Amateur Porn. The thumbnailed links feature options like Elephant Fuck Videos! Homemade Sex Movies! And BEST Amateur Pussy! They all go to different sites, and they all look a thousand times better than Amateurs-Gone-Wild.
Designed By the Elderly, For Nobody
I really thought the next item was a 500-word splatter of sex-keyword vomit. The “paragraph” has been centered on the page by some blind web-god who has never before seen a readable block of text. Just look at this crap:
“See her posing nude, spreading legs on the couch and teasing her hubby to fuck her asap. Enjoy beautiful views of her pink wet pussy wishing to fuck 3. Pretty mature housewife posing dressed and undressed at home. She is such a nice lady with a cute smile and hot body.”
I’m picturing a wickedly drunk dude with a boner rambling to himself in a puddle of piss behind the strip club. It could almost be poetry for degenerates, but goddamnit, I just want to see the bitch posing nude on the couch. Or in a puddle of piss.
And then finally, like some kind of erotic holy grail, I finally saw some thumbnails that might lead to amateur content actually hosted on Amateurs-Gone-Wild. They were bigger than others, promising sweet naked ladies within. There were only 13, a pitiful number, but it’s better than the nothing they’d shown me so far.
It took me a few minutes to realize the weird wall of fuck-text I’d seen above actually corresponded to the thumbnails. If I hadn’t been reviewing the site and trying to figure out WTF, I would have just skipped over the rambling words. The information is potentially useful, but disguised as spam. Whose fucking grandpa designed this site?
The format repeats all down the front page of Amateurs-Gone-Wild. There’s another unsorted mess of outgoing links, followed by another babbling jumble of dirty words, followed by another pitifully small collection of thumbnails.
Onward to the Galleries
One of the tiny pics on the front page features this MILF bitch in a short skirt exposing her twat on a patio bench outside. It’s the kind of thing I’m always looking for when I’m spying on my neighbor, but she always seems to wear panties since she caught me with the binoculars. Searching through the text above, it describes her like this: Beautiful redhead wife passionately sucking cock of her husband and taking his huge dick deep into her juicy pussy.
The gallery starts with a bunch of links to different porn sites, and then a bigger version of that snatch-flashing pic. Below that are links to other sites where you can see MATURE MOMS AND WIVES AND SIMPLY HOT MIDDLE-AGED LADIES. Then you get a picture of the same broad flashing her cunt on a public park bench.
If you guessed there’s more links beneath that, you win one free Internet. There are a lot of pics of this hot exhibitionist chick, but each one is sandwiched between flashing exit signs. It’s almost as if Amateurs-Gone-Wild doesn’t want you staying on their site very long. Hey, me neither.
How Many Ads Come with the Videos?
Of those 13 initial thumbnails I noticed out front, only 4 were videos. These ones have their descriptions below, like every other site on the entire Internet. Clearly, Amateurs-Gone-Wild know the other way is wrong, they just don’t give a fuck, just like they don’t care about you.
I clicked on the thumbnail of Wife Lisey having group sex with hubby and swinger friend at home and getting orgasm. I feel like a retard just typing that, but it’s how they talk over at Amateurs-Gone-Wild.
Below a bunch of links to different sites that aren’t Amateurs-Gone-Wild, there’s a broken-looking video player. There’s a Play button, no video preview, and a message saying I may have to disable some browser settings if the video player doesn’t work.
The video did play without having to do anything, which is good, because I definitely would not have changed my settings for this site. It’s a decent finger-cuffing scene shot on a phone, but nothing you can’t get on a site that doesn’t demand security changes on your end. The built-in player has zero frills of any kind.
Below the video is a link to download and watch the full version in HD quality. Naturally, it goes to a paysite, because Amateurs-Gone-Wild’s claim of Free Amateur Porn is only true in a technical sense. They mainly just offer bullshit.
This Is Just Unacceptable
I looked for a Categories page, hoping to see what kind of Public Sex collection they had. There’s no Categories page, though. There’s no search function of any kind, either. This is just completely unacceptable.
The very existence of Amateurs-Gone-Wild in this millennium is a fucking mystery. I don’t even care that it’s so outdated and ugly. My issue is that it’s completely unorganized, has very little content without even basic methods of sorting through it, and really isn’t much more than a collection of links. Fuck Amateurs-Gone-Wild.